Since I spent a couple of decades in the technical world, I thought I'd share a humorous story with you that happened years ago, but still brings a smile:

Early in my career I learned that, where customers are concerned, sometimes no matter what you do it's gonna be wrong, but not doing ANYTHING is sometimes worse. So....

More years ago than I want to remember, I worked for Savin in their early development stages. At that time they were just breaking into the copier business and also marketed an early attempt at a word processor called the Savin 900 WordMaster... basically a tape drive unit the size of todays CPUs that used an IBM Selectric typewriter (yeah, the typewriter with the little ball on it that sat and spun) as the input or keyboard device.

A couple of months after returning from an eight week course learning how to repair the WordMaster, I was just beginning to feel comfortable and confident in my abilities as a Service Technician.

After routinely picking up my call slips from the Help desk I noticed a business I didn't recognize and asked around for any additional information that might help me handle the call. I wasn't thrilled to discover that the call history showed dozens of calls for this customer who happened to be an Executive Secretary for a prestigious legal firm downtown.

Upon arriving at the law firm, I was asked to wait for 30 minutes, tool case in hand while the Secretary finished a document she must have re-written four or five times cursing like a sailor all the while. The problem? Obviously the damned keys were sticking and just couldn't keep up with her, her boss wanted this document an hour ago, and it was the DAMNED MACHINE's FAULT he wasn't gonna get it!

No big deal, keyboards do stick, maybe it's dirty or needs oil I'm thinking. With THE SECRETARY hovering over me like I was gonna steal her life's work I ran test after test on the typewriter. Ran through the keyboard at least a dozen times, lubed every nook and crany at least twice, and removed every speck of dust I could find. I was sure I had taken care of the problem. So I asked her to please test it for me to be certain.

I'd never seen a woman flop down in a secretarial chair regally, but I swear this woman attempted it. In a huff she crammed a sheet of paper in and began typing. She didn't even make it halfway through the quick brown fox before "See!" "See!" she damanded. "See what I mean?" I was standing there dumbstruck for two reasons: One, I had just done everything but spread Vaseline on the keys to make them slide. Two, I've never quite understood how people could ask you to "see" something they were feeling... you know "touching."

Once again she jumps from her chair and demands "Just fix the damned thing or bring me a new one!" Oh, I forgot to mention... this was her fourth new unit in three months.

Twice more I tried, and twice more I failed. Each time she claimed it was a different key. You know, like a pain you can't locate.

Since I had personally tested the machine each and every time and found no evidence whatever that any key either was or ever had stuck, it became apparent that I was fighting a losing battle. She wanted something done, and whatever I was doing wasn't it.

I decided on a last ditch effort, she was used to making technicans and lesser beings cringe and I was damned if I was gonna be one more slinking out her door! Calmly "You know" I said, "Sometimes we just have to adjust each machine for the operator. They come from the factory adjusted for the average typist, and not every technician knows how to make advanced adjustments for an above average premier typist like yourself." The look of disdain she had held on her face from the time I entered the office slowly turned to one of nodding and a slow smile of appreciation.

Unfortunately, there was NO touch adjustment on the IBM Selectric, a fact which I was of course well aware. Grabbing the biggest and longest screwdriver I had in my toolkit, about twelve inches long and as big around as her little finger, I said "Please, sit down and lets see if we can adjust this thing once and for all!"

Taking the huge screwdriver, I carefully placed it between the case and the working mechanisms, holding the handle with one hand and holding it in place with the other hand. In other words, I was holding it against the inside of the case but was turning nothing but air.

"How's that?" I asked.

"Hmmmm... a little better I think!" was her reply.

Straight faced and seriously I turned just a little more air... "How about now?"

"Oh my Gosh!" she exclaimed "I think it's perfect now!"

I'm thinking she's just trying to lull me into a false sense of security, but no. I have her verify it several times and she's happy! A couple of dozen calls by my company, and several brand new machines later, this customer is finally happy!

I didn't get two blocks from her office when I had to pull my car over because I was laughing so hard. Not so much because I had to some extent "put one over" on her, but more because of the long list of other techs who had fled in terror from her simply because they couldn't find anything wrong.

I returned to the office to a round of applause from the service department. The Executive Secretary had called raving about what a wonderful tech I was, and wanted to know why they didn't train the rest of them like me, lol I felt really guilty about laughing....NOT!

Other than a hand written thank you note attached to her renewal contract a couple of months later, we never got another call from THE SECRETARY.